Crash and Burn

Have you ever noticed how your mistakes in life stay with you. Through all the wear and tear of life, they stay with you. Sometimes they weigh on you and make it hard to move. Some days I feel my mistakes have melted together to make a pool beneath my feet. It makes moving forward extremely difficult. The thing is, they stay with you so you learn from them. They stay with you because they become a part of who you are.

Life is a creature unto itself. It bites at your ankles and screams at you to keep going. No matter how much you lose, or how much it hurts, there's no where else to go but through life. The other thing about life, it doesn't wait for you. It's like a ride at a carnival. If you don't get on the line keeps moving, people will cut in front of you...and it will go on without you. It's a choice we have to make everyday that we wake up, to get on the ride, or to sit and watch. Regardless of the mistakes we have made, or will make, it's a choice we each make.

I sit here and I wonder if all of the relationships that we have in life are meant to sting for better or for worse. We were created to love, but with that came the creation of hate. Both ends of the spectrum have the ability to sting because they are infinitely linked. We walk around seeking someone to understand us, to look at us and make us feel accepted. What we are looking for is a mirror. We desperately want to be seen, but what we truly want is to see ourselves. It's a silly game we play when you think about it. Life swirls around us and we reach our arms out, asking to be loved. After being burned we may bring our arms back in and shut ourselves off to the possibility of love. That is when hate is at its finest. It's bred in dark corners of our minds, and in essence it is merely a hatred for what we ourselves cannot face. If we choose not to get on the ride, we have no one to blame but ourselves. We try, oh do we try. It's called projection. If I project what I am feeling, what I loathe about myself, and my mistakes onto the first person that walks by I can hate them rather than myself. We are creatures of survival. Our instincts teach us the basics, but when you add life to the basics what you have is a mess of people walking around searching for something we barely understand.

The girl who perpetually falls in love with the wrong man has a reason for doing so. She may not even know why, but there are only so many times you can blame someone else for your mistakes. We make the choice, and that choice in turn defines us indefinitely. Only after we make a different choice, and break out of the mold that we have created for ourselves can we be redefined.

**There's only one way to live your dream. That way is without fear, and without weights. If there is something biting at you other than life, set yourself free from it. It may hurt, but life hurts. It is more painful to live with the things that bring you down then it is to go through letting them go. Let yourself go, and trust that life will loosen its grip when you do so. Trust that when you let go of the edge and fall, it will be a beautiful release rather than a crash and burn.

Let it go, that which is trapping your soul and keeping it from breathing**