Wednesday

Have you ever just completely let go, and let the world move through you? I did it the other day.

It was a Wednesday.

The sun was out, and the air was crisp.

Suddenly I looked up while I was walking down the street and I saw life for a moment from the outside as if I wasn't a part of myself. I saw all of the anger I had inside of me and why it was there, I saw all of the love I still had left to give, and I saw all of the reasons I am where I am right now. I let go knowing that in that moment it was exactly what I was supposed to do. I saw all of my imperfections, I saw the formidable attitude with which I had faced things in the past. I saw the release that I needed. Letting go is the hardest thing. Sometimes facing the things that wear on us and being honest about the part we have played in life's events can be terrifying. The thing is, when you realize it happened, and you did all you could do, you see that moving on isn't so hard after all. None of us are born free of imperfections. None of us move through life without being wronged by something or someone. It's those imperfections and those moments that create an incredibly visceral state of being. When you accept what has been and what has come to pass it becomes a lot easier to open new doors and to be free from that which hangs on you.

I walked for hours that day without a destination. It's something I do often lately. I look up, and I look around, and I look inside myself. Being alone right now is the best and hardest thing my life has ever encountered. I am forced to deal with myself and look myself in the mirror. I spend a lot of time with me, and it's something we all run from at times because what we see isn't always easy to accept. Life won't always be like this and so I am embracing it. I am embracing it even when it feels so uncomfortable I want to peel out of my skin. Everything we go through has a purpose and in some way helps to create the beautiful soul constantly being reborn within us.

Do something by yourself, even if it feels awkward. It's in knowing one's self that it becomes possible to find true happiness. I truly believe that in life if we don't know ourselves, we can't know anything outside of ourselves.

I went to bed that night and slept like I hadn't in months. It was in the acknowledgement of certain realities of my life that I could let go. It was seeing it and understanding it that freed me from the burden of hiding from it. Sometimes there are things that we face in life that are hard to look at and so we shield our eyes and we shield our hearts from it. What we miss out on when we do that is a completely gut-wrenching beauty that outweighs any discomfort felt in opening your eyes to the disaster. Everything becomes new again at some point. Everything must keep moving, and so, in life I am finding it is in the letting go that brings the most joy to experiencing this journey.

I've been walking for months...And I am content in the fact that there is no destination in sight. I am just simply moving. And that's all that really matters.