Boo boo

He sat awkwardly on the plastic orange seat of the subway. He was a large man, his arms were wide enough so that it was hard for anyone else to sit next to him. His bottom lip was significantly bigger then his top lip and stuck out a bit. He was wearing orthopedic shoes, beige in color. He was holding a cane between his legs and he had a black brief case on his lap. It was tattered and worn with years. His gray hair was thinning and the top of his head was free from any hair at all. His expression seemed sad at first glance. He caught my attention because he seemed like he was existing in a grey area. I'm always intrigued by the grey area. A few moments later I realized he just hadn't come to life yet.

He began to dig through the side pocket of his brief case and pulled out a cell phone. The subway had just emerged from being underground so cell phones were in service again. He smiled before he spoke.

"Boo boo!" a pause, "Boo boo it's me, can you hear me?" another pause and it was clear the person on the other end of the phone was responding. "Yes, I'm on the 7 subway. We are at the 45 Road Court House stop, it's right before Queensboro. I'll be home in a jif." Again he paused and listened to the response on the other end of the phone. He smiled again, a slightly sideways smile that was far from perfect or beautiful. "I love you boo. MWAAAAAA" The sound of his exaggerated kissing noise turned a few heads but nothing out of the ordinary. He hung up the phone and chuckled to himself. His smile was completely wrong but more importantly it was completely genuine and therefore contagious.

This man had been sitting there alone and I thought he was sad. His demeanor and his body manner suggested he was alone and slightly lost. That's the thing with people, you can't ever know who they are or what they are feeling until you see them come to life. Whoever was on the other end of that cell phone loved this awkward man so much that his entire being came to life with the sound of their voice. That person made him beautiful. In more simple terms, love made him beautiful, as it does with all of us.

It was a brief moment in my busy day, but it was enough for me to get it. We swim through our days, rushing in and out of swarms of humanity. It is rare that we stop to really see humanity though. Without stopping every once in a while to take a look around life feels a little emptier, and a little less meaningful.

He got up and nearly fell over with the jolt of the train. He held tightly to his cane and exited the train. I'm not sure if this man was successful or if he made a lot of money. I'm not sure if he had health problems and I'm not sure if life had always been good to him throughout his years. What I was sure of was that someone was waiting for him. He called that someone "Boo boo".

Say Goodnight

"Home is where your story begins."

It's been raining for days. The light above the door is shattered. The cabinet won't close. The shower door sticks. I live underneath what sounds like a herd of elephants but is actually 7 children and their parents whom I don't doubt feel overwhelmed often. It's like the Van Trapp family in Queens. I exist in no more then 500 square feet with one other person. There is construction going on directly on the opposite side of the wall I sleep next to. The stove barely works. The floors creek. The heater hisses. The entire building smells like something I can't put my finger on. I hate not being able to put my finger on it. My roommate is slightly off, but she smiles when she is happy, and she lives life with a vengeance so far as I can tell. Regardless, it's grown on me. Like moss on a tree stump, it was inevitable I would eventually call this home.

This is home.

And this is where my story has found a new beginning.

My pillows are softer then a thousand angel's wings. My comforter is red, not the obnoxious kind but the kind that makes you feel warm inside. It's the kind that makes you want to drop what you are doing and curl in a ball to nap for a while. My room is small, but so am I. The shower gets so hot it burns my skin when I get in. I love that. The stove is awful but I have still managed to make food that I would go so far as to call delicious. My friends voices have filled this small space with laughter on many weekends. The pictures in my room hang deliberately and effortlessly on the walls, as the people in them do in my life. The bathroom is blue. It's peaceful.

The living room basically consists of a couch, a chair, and a TV. The collection of movies beside the TV is priceless though, as are the books waiting for a shelf to sit on. I've fallen asleep on this couch watching a movie, reading a book, and staring at the ceiling. It took me weeks to be able to relax in my bed. It's as if it was foreign to me. I fought with myself about it, and then one day, I stopped fighting. Life began to fall into place. Granted, I've learned some things about myself and about my life that have made those pieces fall easier. They have fallen though exactly where they were meant to fall. Just like a puzzle is meant to come together, so are the pieces of our lives.

There came a day when I put my head on the pillow, felt my breath flow effortlessly throughout my body, closed my eyes, and let life fall away. That was the day I began to call this home.

Nothing is perfect, including me. This apartment is small, even teeny I would say. It's enough for now though. It's big enough to carry my dreams, my laughter, my tears, and my bed which I love so very much...

So I say goodnight, and I let it go.