Passing Trains

"So just write about being stuck then, at least you'll be writing."

He said he pictured it like being stuck in tar. He said he imagined it being like a big bear trying to claw his way out of that tar. I said it feels more like quicksand.

"Maybe it's just because nothing is really going on right now, that's ok too. You can still write, it doesn't have to be the most brilliant thing you've ever created."

Perhaps he is right. Nothing is going on right now. I stopped fighting for a while. It's felt nice. I haven't had words pouring out of me and I haven't felt necessarily satsisfied or unsatisfied. It's these times in life that we can recharge our batteries. These inbetween moments feel like a waterfall of peace washing over my skin. It calms my soul and allows me to breath deeper and slower.

It's like standing on the platform waiting for a train to rush by you. Once it's gone the world seems peaceful again, for those few brief moments there is nothing but your feet on the ground and the wind on your face. The next train comes though as certainly as the last one did. I'm in between trains right now.

I'm taking a vacation from my mind.

I'm not entirely content with where I am in life but it's stopped itching for the moment. I can tell because my breathing has become even and my heartrate is almost always normal. I sleep for hours on end, relishing in the warmth and comfort of my bed and the home I have created for myself.

My life has been like a freight train barreling down the tracks for the past year. Everything has been noisy and created a chaotic state of mind. Closing my eyes took effort and hearing the silence within my soul was nearly impossible. I needed music at all times. I didn't know how to relate to the quiet that I so desparately needed. I was constantly pushing for more. More people, more love, more money, more stimulation.

I'm taking a break from all of that. For the moment, I'm just here. I'm existing in my own peaceful and simple reality and it's where I need to stay for a bit.

I'll wake up eventually and I'll start pushing again. My mind will race with ideas, words, and thoughts. I'll capture them and turn them into the next phase of my journey. I'll twist the pieces of my creative torment into a life for myself. I always have. Survival is easy, it's living beyond surviving that takes careful consideration.

Maybe nothing is going on right now. Maybe that's exactly what I need. I'm taking a break from running and from pushing. I'm living inbetween. It's a place where I find peace, warmth, and where everything is ok just as it is. If you've never been there, I suggest you take a break from the race and slip into the inbetween. It's beautifully serene from where I'm standing, even in the middle of a city filled with 8 million people.